But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
