very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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