The maid of honor just puked.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
