Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
