if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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