small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
