just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Randomize
