well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
