I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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