some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I can't put those talents on a resume
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
