I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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