So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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