wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
