420 ftw
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
