i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
