i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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