We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
