I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
