the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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