So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
