I'm so fucking centered right now
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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