i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
