please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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