dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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