I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
