Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
