Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
