never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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