I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
