Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Randomize
