I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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