Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
