very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
