Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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