R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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