you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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