The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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