You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
