i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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