$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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