I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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