PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We're too hungover to prance.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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