The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
