he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
