and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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