I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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