Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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