There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
No stitches, just platelets and will power
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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