He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
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He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
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Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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