This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
