see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
my liver is dry heaving
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
