im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
