Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
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She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
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I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
do nipples grow back?
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