there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Houston, we have a squirter
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
