u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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