I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
