so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
