Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize