I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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