That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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