I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
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He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
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The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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