My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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