she was so not down for the gang bang
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
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my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
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I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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