we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
