I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
