What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
