So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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