North Korea, Best Korea!
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
