You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize