Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
