loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
